The Worst Film Critic in the World

No, it’s not Pete Hammond from Maxim. It’s some idiot on a website called Murder By Numbers, his name is Tony Medley, and he has the balls to call himself a film critic. Here are just a few excerpts from some of his film reviews.

There Will Be Blood
That about sums up this film; Daniel being a charming salesman; Daniel being insanely brutal; people covered in oil.” (He also complains about there being minimal blood. Yes, I’m serious.)

Spider-Man 2
“I can’t figure out why anybody would want to waste 127 minutes sitting through this thing.” He even doesn’t do his research right and calls Peter Parker “Peter Palmer.”

The Kingdom
“There is not a second of slowness or frivolous talk.” He gave this movie a 10/10. Whether you liked it or not, NO ONE in their right mind would give this movie that much.

Borat
He gets mad at the movie for making fun of Kazakhstan, obviously not understanding its message, and then he goes on to say that they filmed the movie in “Rumania.” Hm, where is that? Oh yes, that’s right, he meant “Romania.” What the hell?

Once
“This might have been a sweet love story, but it isn’t. It’s a concert around a weak story and script. I don’t know why this film has gotten such a terrific buzz.” He also voted Once as one of the worst movies of the year.

Hot Fuzz
His score: 0/10. And he didn’t even finish watching it. You can’t call yourself a movie critic and write a review of a movie you didn’t even finish. It was also a worst movie of the year according to him.

The Cat in the Hat
“I thought I was going to hate this movie but came out smiling and laughing with a good feeling. It’s a funny, entertaining, one hour 22 minute fantasy with a good moral that adults can enjoy as much as children.” Yes, this is the Cat in the Hat with Mike Myers.

Meet the Fockers
He says he would have given the movie an “R” rating because it contains an out of wedlock pregnancy, because “out of wedlock pregnancies” are a big problem in our society today. Why is this more offensive than the baby learning “asshole” as his first word? Then he goes on to give it a 10/10, because it “allowed Owen Wilson to make an appearance in an entertaining movie” among other things. Wow. Guess I know what makes a good movie, then.

Zodiac
You would have to be a complete ass to think Zodiac was a bad movie. But luckily for us, this guy IS a complete ass! Read this, “And after all that you still don’t know for sure whodunit.” What? What? WHAT THE F***!!!! You’re serious? You’re really really serious? DUH we don’t know! That’s the whole point!!

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
“It’s not a movie for children, either, because the “f” word is used copiously. If I had a rating lower than zero, this one would get it.” ??????? What?? Did he honestly just warn parents that they shouldn’t take their kids to Life Aquatic? Does he thinks all parents are mentally demented??

Freaky Friday (Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Lee Curtis)
“The amazing thing about this movie is that it holds up all the way through. The Producers had me rolling in the aisles for thirty minutes but didn’t hold up all the way through.” Are you kidding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did he just seriously compare the classic, comedy genius of one of the Mel Brooks’s all-time best with a friggin Disney remake?!? And did he just say that Freaky Friday was BETTER??? What is this guy on??? Oh yeah, he also gave it a 10/10.

Every single one of this reviews is filled with whiny complaining and a constant, consistent focus on why HE liked the movie, why HE hated the movie, how the audience in HIS theatre was behaving, and whether or not he liked HIS popcorn. He also seems irrepressibly concerned with running time. Does this guy bring a stop watch with him to films? What the heck? He doesn’t seem to give a crap about his readers, and it doesn’t look like he’s doing this as a joke. What is he trying to pull?

Oh yeah, and why is he on the friggin ROTTEN TOMATOES DATABASE??? WTF? I write better reviews than him! I can write a mediocre review on a bad day and it would still fly way over his head. And believe me, I know mediocrity. My entire first year of writing reviews I was writing in a mediocre manner – always being bluntly obvious, never any subtlety, never any craft. This guy doesn’t write reviews. He writes rants on movies he hates and love letters to movies he enjoyed. I really really really wanna know why he’s on rotten tomatoes, because when I google his name, he hardly comes up at all when not as a direct quote from his own website. Who is this guy?

So what do you guys think? Does he seem like the worst critic you’ve ever read? Because I’ve had a hard time thinking of anyone that could possibly be worse. Has anyone heard of him?

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11 Responses to “The Worst Film Critic in the World”

  1. The guy’s an insufferable MORON.

    Just read his take in FAR FROM HEAVEN. His review made me want to smack some sense (read: intelligence) into him.

  2. dude, u should read his fuckin racist review of “Letters From Iwo Jima”. this guy shouldnt call himself a film critic

  3. Midtownsman Says:

    I can’t even call him a hack because he has no creative ability and I doubt he is paid very much, if at all, for his reviews. He also likes to make up words, e.g. “derivativity”. He may be the worst, but Ben Lyons is definitely more annoying. The other day I heard him reviewing a movie trailer. Ugh.

  4. Ben Krispy Says:

    Your forgot to mention he believes Disturbia is a better movie than Rear Window……..

  5. Whaaat? I missed that one, dang. Yeah, this guy is the worst film critic….

  6. Dan D. Lyons Says:

    This guy is terrible. I heard about him from typing into google “worst film critic” and read some of his reviews. To me, he sounds like an ultra-conservative goodie two shoes that is extremely closed minded and gets offended by events or ideas that don’t even pertain to him (I, of course, am not trying to offend anyone on here). For his review of “Milk” (which he gave a 5/10, by the way), he complained that the movie was too left-wing biased and described it as an “unabashedly adoring biography”. Well of course its gonna be bias if its told from a homosexual perspective, retard, and didn’t Roger Ebert (an actual film critic) mention that the movie DIDN’T make Milk out to be a hero? What a jackass.

  7. Oh lord those were horrific. Many of his reviews also have racist undertones.

  8. stephen mitchell Says:

    this guy is not the worst, Michael Phillips is the worst he said at the movies with richard roepert that The Mist was Better than the Greenj Mile.

  9. I may not always agree with Tony, but find his reviews interesting and with far more detail than most reviewers who only “like” left-wing, anti-American films

  10. certified Says:

    Any person who can live with such ratins might consider working from an asyllum. This guy can hardly be beaten by anyone I read so far. There are movies he rated fairly (the new ones, mostly, since he has no guts to give them low grades so far, don’t worry, he’ll change that in a year or two), but he’s a definite horror. My eyes will never read a line he wrote.

    I can hardly believe there can be anyone worse.

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